Scoping Out Twentymile Creek… and Me

[JoeFred]

Colonoscopy prep and unexpected plumbing problems: The Perfect Storm

My procedure this week went well. With the aid of his high tech pebble and fissure finder, the good doctor, a highly regarded gastroenterologist by day and Harley enthusiast 24-7, found three flat polyps. Not cancerous. Mild diverticulitis. Will need another scope in 3 years.

When he came by at the beginning I told my doctor I had intended to bring him a photo of my leaning into a curve on US 129 (The Dragon)… in my Grand Caravan on the way to Twentymile Creek. He laughed and said, "Hey, let's strap a couple of flyrods on my bike and take off there one day. But now, parking could be a problem." Later in the OR as the anesthesiologist's needle was penetrating the IV, I heard him ask from behind my behind, "Ready to ride, Fred?" I replied, "Doctor, let's drive the dragon!" The attendants in their sky blue HAZMATs started laughing from behind their full face shields… I can't say when they stopped.

As many over 60 readers are aware, consternation about the pending procedure is overshadowed for a few hours by the outpouring of bowel blessings beforehand… as in Halflytely Bisacodyl Tablet Bowel Prep Kit.

I was to begin with the bad ol' Bisacodyl at high noon the day before. However at 9 AM, after feasting on Jell-O and Gatorade, I found myself in route to Lowes having to buy a replacement commode flush kit. Naturally, I had to drive past a Dunkin Donuts, McDonalds, Hardees and Waffle House.

Back home and with the first dose of horrible Halflytely still a half hour away, and with the new shiny Fluidmaster in place, things were looking to be back on track, schedule-wise and tract, digestive–wise. But the doggone valve would cut off with the tank still half empty (oh okay, half full). I think, "uh, I just need to turn the level adjust thingy" so, with that it was the first half quart of Halflytely down the hatch. Then I spotted the problem: it was the dreaded "NEW FEATURE" on the model I bought. I was already perturbed that I has having to prep plumbing other than my own, but with the impending dam break I was approaching the preparation panic phase. With the clock ticking and my bowels twitching, I began having visuals of avalanches, androids and Armageddon. But just in the nick of time I was able to remove the Fluidmaster, disabled its "new ANTI-LEAK feature," adjust its height and reinstall. In the end, both my prep kit and the crapper's repair kit worked like a charm. From first flush to finale… a perfect brownout.

[Streamhound]

Glad to see everything flushed ok.

I lost about foot and half of lower colon to diverticulitis about 5 years ago and have been on colonoscopies on a short schedule ever since.

Ain't aging great?

[flyred06]

omg. i was dying laughing while reading this. I say that as I have not yet had to go through this but know my time is closing near. I absolutely dread and fear that coming. But i read your story and said that would be my luck right there. glad everything turned out good.

[Oldman]

They can send a man to the moon and car to mars. Why cant they make that stuff taste better!!! Thank you for reminding me that I am due again.

[JoeFred]

Originally Posted by Streamhound

Glad to see everything flushed ok.

I lost about foot and half of lower colon to diverticulitis about 5 years ago and have been on colonoscopies on a short schedule ever since.

Ain't aging great?

I should have added that I was blessed with good results from the procedure. I'm hoping the best for you.
– JF